glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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