you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
