The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
