Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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