does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
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I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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