The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
