he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
