Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
We named our party play list daddy issues
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
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