I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize