I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
