I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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