Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
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Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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