omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
