I'm really into asian looking animals
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Randomize
