if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Randomize
