Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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