I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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