He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.