I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
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No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
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Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...