All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
