I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize