We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
