I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
