I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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