the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
