I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
