she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
