forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
