And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
