I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
