Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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