I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize