Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
