I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
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If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
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Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize