There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
