the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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