I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I need a burrito and a hug.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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