Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
