We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
