she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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