How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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