Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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