Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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