Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
