you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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