she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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