I want to walk on stilts...naked
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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