i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
