After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
