Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
