aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
