try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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