I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
