apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
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I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Hippo gnu deer
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
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they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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