im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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