Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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