why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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