it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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