Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
