counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
