Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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