Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
