TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
