No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
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Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
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I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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