Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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