Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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