i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
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Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
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Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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