i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
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