yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
