Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
